When I first became a dad, I quickly learned that parenthood is a constant test of patience. In fact, if you’re a new dad and not a very patient person, you better learn fast or you’re in for a tough road ahead.
That’s not to say that you have to be the most patient person in the world, because I’m certainly not. But it is a key factor in the everyday grind that is fatherhood.
Never has patience been tested more for parents than in the past nearly two years with the COVID pandemic. From adjusting to working from home full time to schools transitioning to virtual learning to the financial strains to the general concern for everyone’s health and wellness, it has been a challenging time for all.
My wife and I have been fortunate in that Emory’s daycare has stayed open throughout the pandemic. With the exception of the first few days back in 2020 when everyone was trying to figure out what was going on, and a period last year when a couple of kids had COVID, we’ve been able to keep him on a regular schedule with school. It has been a huge blessing because I know that hasn’t been the case for everyone. I know people and have read stories about others whose kids’ daycares shut down for COVID, leaving parents to have to figure out alternatives — including keeping them at home.
On the few occasions when Emory has been out of school, it changes my entire day. Some days aren’t that bad, but if I’m busy at work, have some other things that need to get done, it can be a nerve-racking experience. And that’s not his fault. He's three years old. The urge to play and be up under either one of us is what a three-year-old boy should be doing.
It’s just… a lot. Sometimes.
About a week ago, we had some snow in the D.C. area. As with any hint of winter weather that comes through here, everyone went into panic mode and the city and surrounding counties shut down. Of course, daycare was closed. And because the roads were bad, we couldn’t get Emory over to his grandma’s house, which is usually our backup plan. Nonetheless, I’d mentally prepared myself to have to balance work and daddy daycare. I wasn’t prepared, however, for the level in which Emory was turnt up. The combination of him being home and the excitement of seeing snow had him on another level.
The term “touched out” is generally associated with our wives, girlfriends, or significant others. When kids seek their moms out for physical comfort, whether it’s breastfeeding or otherwise, it can be overwhelming. And understandably so. Rarely, if ever, do you hear dads discuss the guilt that comes with wanting your child to just back up off of you. I mean, you should feel good that your child wants to be close to you, right? But it happens. We definitely feel it. I felt it on this day. My patience was tested when Emory wanted to sit up under me all day, and go through his little whining routine when I had to walk out of the room for whatever. It was tested when the game on his tablet wasn’t working and I had to explain it over and over again and he couldn’t get it, so he kept trying to grab my had and play the game for him. I wanted to just yell and tell him “bruh, back up!”
But I can’t do that. Not when I’m trying to find the balance between being stern without threatening. That’s easier said than done when I’m agitated. When I don’t want his arm touching mine when he sits right next to me on the couch. I can’t yell when my son is clearly being needy. That doesn’t make it any less frustrating. It just comes with the territory.
It’s not a feeling I get often. I’m generally good about managing these little toddler emotions Emory is dealing with. However, as our family has grown, two kids has made it more challenging because we’re playing one-on-one coverage now. With my wife’s focus being primarily on the baby, I’m left with having to make sure he doesn’t drive she and I crazy.
So…what do I do? How do I avoid the feeling of being touched out? I have to manage my expectations. I have to understand that he’s not purposely being a nuisance. I have to figure out an effective way to “walk away” when things get overwhelming. When I have a break when he’s napping, or once he goes does down for the day, I have to find ways to mentally and physically recharge. And, most of all, I have to practice patience. Because in these moments of frustration, I have to realize that this too shall pass.
Until the next time it happens.