There’s an old saying that goes “time flies when you’re having fun.” For dads, we can tweak that to say “time flies when you have kids.” Because life seems to go into overdrive once you add those little ones into the picture and the next thing you know, the days, weeks, months, and years have passed by. If you’re not careful, you’ll find yourself in one of those rare, quiet moments wondering where the time went.
As I’m adjusting to life with a newborn again, I can’t help but look at Emory, who’s now 3, and wonder where the time went. I’m in that weird space where I can clearly see his development into a full-blown toddler, while still being able to vividly remember doing the same things with him that I’m doing once again with his little sister. I’m certain that in three more years, once Eden gets to Emory's age, I'll once again look back and wonder where that time has gone.
But I have to be careful. I can't peek too far into the future because I’ll miss out on the present. I have to make sure I’m maximizing the time I’m given each day. I think of that often whenever people ask me how things are now with two kids. Going from a father of one to two, and from a family of three to four has required adjustments to the routine that I've grown accustomed to over the past three years.
Chief among them for me has been time management. See, I’m a stickler for routine. Without my Google calendar, my notes and reminders, I would be lost. On any given day, I generally know what I want it to look like from start to finish, and I rarely deviate from that. Obviously, things come up, but for the most part I have an agenda in my head of things I need to get done and places I need to go. With one child, there was a little bit of flexibility. If I was at Target or Wegmans, I could (sort of) take my time. When I went out for a run and was feeling good, I could add one or two more miles and things would be ok. I knew we had single coverage at home. And same thing with my wife if she needed to get some things done.
Now? That flexibility is pretty much gone. At least while our daughter is in this newborn phase and we’re all adjusting. I know I have to be in and out of the store. My workouts? They definitely have time limits. And I know when I’m on the clock at work, I have to be focused and get everything done, because when I’m done, I’m done.
So how can effective time management be achieved in fatherhood? For me, I do my best to prioritize my tasks. If not, I’ll burn myself out by trying to get everything done by a certain time. I’ll feel the pressure and anxiety building up in my body and I’ll be no good for anyone, especially myself. As much as I love my family and friends, I can’t be my best for them if I’m not my best self. And I can’t be my best self if I’m in constant overdrive. So I do my best to separate what absolutely needs to be done, and what I can live with putting off until later in the day, or tomorrow or the next day.
Doing so frees up more time for family. When it’s all said and done, it’s important for dads to find time for them And not just time for the sake of saying we were all in the same room together, but quality time. Time together that creates long-lasting memories. As a dad, that’s all you can ask for, because before you know it, that time will be long gone.
It's interesting that some writers think of children as "time thieves," but I like how you capture the value of time with children. They're more worthy of our time than any professional goal. I wrote about that this week on The Recovering Academic: https://joshuadolezal.substack.com/p/do-you-really-lose-a-book-for-every?r=16vgt&s=w&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web