Farewell, 2023!

I started this post the day after Christmas. There was about a 10-12-minute window of calm that I was fortunate enough to get so I could jot some thoughts down before chaos erupted again. And sure enough, it did. As I reflect on this year, particularly from the dad lens, what I experienced writing this post was a perfect representation of 2023 for me — a year of nonstop “chaos” with small moments of peace sprinkled in here and there.

And to be clear, the use of chaos here is not necessarily negative. It’s just that in 2023 there always seemed to be something going on. Every week, every month, and all year, I was on the go, mainly taking the kids here, there, and everywhere. We as dads know the grind. It’s what we signed up for. In some respects, it’s often very surprising how much fatherhood consumes our life, but you get used to it – sort of. 

When I look back on 2023, this season of fatherhood for me was about adjustments. One of the biggest changes in our household was my son Emory transitioning to “big school.” After being in daycare since he was three months old, it was time for him to “graduate” to PreK-4. With that came numerous adjustments. For starters, it was a new environment for him to get used to. A “real” classroom setting with about 15 students in a “real” school that goes all the way up to eighth grade was a whole new world for him. I had to help prepare him to deal with new faces in a new place as best I could while struggling with the internal psychological battle in my mind of wondering if my wife and I made the right decision for him.

Not only did Emory’s routine change, but mine did as well. I had to get used to a new pick up and drop off routine. For more than four years, I knew what the morning and evening looked like. Even when my daughter Eden came along, that routine didn’t change because they were still going to the same place. Now, we’re going different directions at different times. And with school, there’s no wiggle room like it is with day care. You have to be there on time. It’s still a work in progres, but we’re getting there. 

And while I was adjusting to the new normal with Emory, Eden was coming into her own as a toddler approaching the “Terrible Twos.” This year saw her transform from a baby fully dependent on her parents to a toddler able to “talk,” walk up and down the steps, and run around behind her big brother. So now I’m adjusting to managing a household with two very, very active kids. As a friend of mine described it, I’ve become a part time circus wrangler. 

The adjustments in this chaotic year of fatherhood has come at the expense of me. And yes, I totally understand this is the season of life I’m in, but it’s still important that I acknowledge the reality. I posted on Threads back in November that “I need to prioritize making time for me in 2024. I’ve failed at that this year.” With school, daycare, soccer, swimming, Cub Scouts, birthday parties, and just regular, day-to-day responsibilities, I lost my way a bit in 2023. Simply put, at times I found myself stretched thin. And no dad wants to feel that. Even with the most routine challenges of fatherhood, we shouldn’t have our overall well-being put at risk. As I think about what I want my new year to look like, I want to be intentional in carving out time for me. I want to make time for golf, for date nights, for movies, for time with the guys, for life. To continue to be the best dad I can be, but also maximize those moments I have in the midst of the chaos of everyday life. 

Peace and blessings in the new year. Thanks for reading!