I’ll be 40 on June 19.
It’s an interesting dynamic in that I’ll be sharing this milestone birthday with the day set aside to recognize us dads. A 2-for-1 special, I guess.
I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting as I approach this next chapter of life. To be honest, it’s not what I expected at all. As a child, and even when I was in my late teens and early 20s, I really had no concept of age. Back then, 40 seemed ancient and so far away. I mean, growing up, all the adults I knew who were 40 looked old! Maybe it was those old Olan Mills photos. But as I got older and experienced life, I quickly realized that the “fears” I had about aging were somewhat misguided. I actually wasn’t using a walker and turning gray. Well, maybe a little. I can honestly say that I feel great physically. And mentally, I’m ok. So the perception in my head of what 40 was has not been the reality for me.
I will say, however, that prior to becoming a dad, I did have some concerns as the years went by and fatherhood hadn’t happened for me. Was I going to be an old(er) dad? Would all the guys in my social circle have kids who were teenagers by the time I had kids? Would I even become a father at all? Society has told us that if we haven't crossed certain things like marriage, kids, and homes off our life checklist by 30, we are somehow flawed. It has put a ridiculous amount pressure on an entire generation. A pressure heightened by the age of oversharing on social media where many feel they have to keep up with the lives of friends and strangers they see online.
Fortunately for me, once I got married and the idea of children became more realistic, I realized that there were more people like me than I knew. It was a pleasant surprise for sure. While our parents’ and grandparents’ generation started families much earlier, it’s more common these days for people to wait until they’re well into their 30s and even 40s to “settle down.” And that’s ok. We should all create the life that works for us, not based on what standards society has set. Or even based on what we see other people doing.
All this is not to say that being (almost) 40 with young children doesn’t come without challenges. As much as I try to stay in shape, the reality is sometimes I’m just tired. With growing kids, I know there will be times when I’ll have to push through physically when my body may not feel like it. And mentally, I have to stay just as sharp.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a tad bit envious of people my age who had kids in their early 20s and can now come and go as they please because those kids are old enough to look after themselves. That envy doesn’t last long at all because looking back, I know what my life looked like at 25 and kids would not have fit in the picture. I just wasn’t ready. In many ways, I’m still not, but here we are.
In life, we have to play the hands that we’re dealt, and as I approach this Father’s Day and Year 40, I know I’m exactly where I need to be.
I am with you fellow father. Each stage of our lives is about something new and different as we leave behind what we had become used to. I am an older father and also looked back at friends and family who had kids younger. THEN, I realized that I had the best of it. Their kids were grown and gone of to their lives (great and wonderful of course), but mine were still young and at home for me to enjoy when I had the maturity and understanding to REALLY engage and participate in their lives. I wouldn't have it any other way. Thanks for your posts! David
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